An Amicable Divorce?
An amicable end of the marriage is a bit of a stretch though you can achieve a more amicable settlement. The trick is getting to that point. And getting there requires conflict management. Conflict management is what skilled attorney negotiators are good at doing. Make no mistake about it, the best attorneys are the best negotiators.
Conflict requires two persons to fuel the argument but it takes only one person to end it. A skilled attorney will help you through the steps of conflict managment:
Anger often stems from being injured. Injured emotionally, injured physically, injured dreams, injured expectations, injured promises. Allow the anger to come out constructively rather than suppressing it. Express it to family, friends, or a counselor. It's ok to feel hurt because you were hurt, and you will heal.
Fear closely mingles with anger. In fact, one emotion may swing into the other like a pendulum. It is a fear of the unknown, loss of the predictable, loss of control of the future, loss of safety and loss of emotional security. Identifying these fears actually helps you negotiate a better settlement because you and your attorney can bring to the table real-world means of mitigating those fears.
Forgive for Yourself
Forgiveness is for you, not the other person. If you find yourself saying, "It will be a cold day in ... before I forgive him/her," then you haven't let go of your hurt. Remember forgiveness is for you.
Listen to Lies...but don't accept them
Listen to but don't argue over lies. You haven't seen change in the other person before now so don't expect a 12th hour personality turn around. Don't argue about "versions" of truth. Express yourself to your attorney and then let your attorney do what she does best...fact finding.
Avoid a Fight
If you're looking for a fight, you'll find a fight because it forces the other person to fight against you. At the settlement hearing, take frequent breaks. If things get heated, resume discussions at a later time or another day.
Timing is Everything
Don't put yourself in a time crunch during one of the most importart negotions of your life...block off an entire afternoon rather than 1-2 hours. If you paint yourself into a time crunch, you may make poor compromises simply to "get done."
More...There are many more tips and techniques you can use to diffuse the tension between you and your spouse. Learn more about Texas Divorce Laws, Negotiating Strategies for Divorce and how to avoid Common Divorce Mistakes.